Talking to your child about sex, reproduction, and relationships can feel like a daunting task, but it’s one of the most important conversations you’ll have as a parent!
Pre-teens are naturally curious, and never more so when speaking about sex and reproduction. And with so much information (and misinformation) available online and from peers, it's best if they hear accurate and age-appropriate information from you first!
Starting a conversation about sex and reproduction can be something many parents leave to schools to discuss. However, by providing thoughtful, age-appropriate information, you can help your child develop a healthy understanding of their body, relationships, and personal boundaries.
This guide will help you navigate these conversations in a way that is open, honest, and reassuring.
Many parents wait until their child is a teenager to talk about sex, but by then, they’ve often already received information from other sources. It’s best to start these conversations early, keeping them simple and appropriate for their level of understanding.
Ages 8-10: Begin with basic conversations about body changes, reproduction, and boundaries.
Ages 10-12: Introduce more details about puberty, consent, and relationships.
Ages 12+: Discuss topics like sexual feelings, respect in relationships, and safe choices.
If they ask, “Where do babies come from?”, a younger child might only need a basic answer: “A baby grows in a special place in a mother’s body called the uterus.”
An older child may need a more detailed explanation: “When a sperm from a man and an egg from a woman join together, a baby starts to grow.”
Keeping explanations factual and simple can prevent confusion or unnecessary embarrassment.
Your child may have many questions, or they may feel nervous bringing up the topic of sex and reproduction. Let them know that they can always talk to you, and that no question is embarrassing or wrong.
How to create a comfortable space:
You can say something like: "You’re growing up, and as you do, you might have questions about your body and where babies come from. I want you to know you can always talk to me about anything, and I’ll do my best to help you understand."
If you feel nervous, that’s okay! Acknowledge that it might feel a little awkward for both of you but emphasize that these conversations are normal and important.
The way you explain sex and reproduction will depend on your child’s age and maturity. Start with the basics and build on their understanding as they grow.
For younger pre-teens (8-10 years old), you can keep it simple: “A baby grows in a special place inside a mother’s body called the uterus. A baby begins when a tiny part from the mother (an egg) and a tiny part from the father (a sperm) come together.”
For older pre-teens (10-12 years old), you can expand on the topic: “When a sperm from a man joins with an egg from a woman, it creates the first tiny cell of a baby. That cell grows inside the mother’s uterus until it’s ready to be born.”
At this age, some children may ask how the sperm and egg meet. If they do, you can answer simply and factually: “There is a special way that grown-ups’ bodies can come together to create a baby. It’s something adults choose to do when they are ready to start a family.”
If they don’t ask for more details, there’s no need to provide them yet. It’s okay to take things at their pace.
It’s important to use the proper names for body parts (penis, vulva, vagina, testicles, uterus, etc.) rather than nicknames. This helps children understand their own bodies and reduces shame or embarrassment around these topics. It also ensures they can communicate clearly if they ever need to report something concerning.
If your child has grown up hearing nicknames for their body parts, it’s never too late to gently introduce the correct terms. You can say something like, “We sometimes call it [nickname], but the correct name is [body part].”
Starting the conversation about sex and reproduction is great when linked to periods and can be a natural and important entry point to discussing the broader topics of reproduction and sex with your pre-teen or teen.
Here's a gentle way to approach the conversation:
Signs Your Daughter Is About To Start Her PeriodIf their period has yet to arrive you might want to touch on some of the signs of a first period and why they have periods. For example, touch on changes they may have noticed to their body; breast growth, pubic or underarm hair and getting their period.
Reassure them that this is a completely normal and natural part of becoming a woman, and it’s something every girl experiences. Explain that periods happen when your body is preparing for the possibility of having babies one day, though not everyone wants to have babies, and that’s okay.
A period is part of a cycle where the body gets ready for pregnancy, but it doesn’t always lead to pregnancy. Every month, the body releases eggs, and if an egg doesn't meet sperm (which comes from a male partner during sex), the body sheds the lining of the uterus, which is a period. This is a way your body tells you it wasn’t ready for a pregnancy that month.
Periods are a sign that the body is maturing and developing into a woman. It’s also a sign that someone is capable of having children if they ever decide that’s something they want to do one day.
Reassure your child that having your period doesn’t mean you have to be ready for sex or having children right now – that’s something for much later in life when they feel ready.
Talking about sex can be a little tricky, but it’s important to understand what it is and why it’s connected to things like your period. Sex is when two people come together to connect physically, and when a man and woman have sex, his sperm can meet your egg and if that happens, it can lead to pregnancy. But there are many reasons people choose to have sex when they are older – and you should never feel pressured to do so before you’re ready.
This type of explanation connects periods to the natural cycle of reproduction, explaining it in a way that's clear and age-appropriate, while introducing the topic of sex as something natural but reserved for later in life. It also reassures them that they can come to you with questions at any time.
Before children fully understand reproduction, it’s important that they learn about consent and respect—both for themselves and others. These lessons build a foundation for healthy relationships in the future.
Key messages to share with your pre-teen:
You can also reinforce this in daily life, such as asking for permission before giving them a hug or reminding them to knock before entering a room.
Pre-teens may ask surprising or difficult questions, and that’s okay! The key is to stay calm, answer honestly, and keep it age appropriate.
“What is sex?” A simple response could be: “Sex is when a man and a woman’s bodies come together to make a baby. When people get older, sex can also be part of a close and loving relationship.”
“Why do some people have babies but aren’t married?” “People have different kinds of relationships. Some choose to be married before having children, while others don’t. The most important thing is that the baby is loved and cared for.”
“What if I don’t want to have babies?” “That’s completely okay! Not everyone has children, and you can decide what’s right for you when you’re older.”
Rather than having one “big talk,” aim to have small, ongoing conversations as your child grows.
Ways to make the conversation natural and ongoing:
As they move into their teenage years, these open conversations will help build trust, allowing them to feel safe coming to you with more complex topics.
Talking to your pre-teen about sex and reproduction doesn’t have to be overwhelming. By approaching the conversation with warmth, honesty, and openness, you can help them build a healthy understanding of their body and relationships.
Finally, as awkward as this topic can feel for both of you, you are laying the foundation for a lifelong, open relationship where they feel safe discussing important topics with you. And that’s the most valuable thing you can give them.
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